


Of Monsters and Men

by nebulaesailor



Category: Deltarune (Video Game), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Ableism, Adoption, Alternate Universe, Autism, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Lesser Dad, No proofreading we die like mne, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trans Male Character, au where king spade is not a king and lancer is not a prince, to be edited properly when i have the spoons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-08-27 07:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16697716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nebulaesailor/pseuds/nebulaesailor
Summary: In the span of a single horrible night, Rouxls Kaard is left as the sole guardian of Lancer. He is left to navigate a world without Spade as well as trying to keep himself and Lancer afloat in a chaotic world where both are left reeling from the abuse suffered at Spade's hands.





	1. ending to beginning

Rouxls mindlessly played with the soft white fur on the top of the boy’s head as he slept peacefully in his lap. The stiff plastic chairs of the police station were awful on his back but there was nothing much he could do about it and trying to shift to a more comfortable position would only wake Lancer up who needed all the sleep he could get after such an awful night. He watched the clock strike 2:00 AM on the wall as the main officer on duty came in to talk him again, the tall fish-looking one with bright red hair who was very very loud. 

“Everything has been filed along with the police report. You both can go home now and get some much needed rest. The legal mumbo jumbo around custody and adoption is something you don’t really need to worry about right now, so don’t sweat it. I bide you a good day, Mr. Kaard.” Undyne, according to her badge, said as he shook her hand with his good hand.

“Thank you so much. I suppose you’ll call me when the trial date is announced along with the custody hearing. I bid you adieu.” Rouxls gathered Lancer easily into one arm, his exhaustion so apparent that he didn’t even have the energy to keep up with his strange medieval vernacular.

He walked out of the police department and into the parking lot, the night cold air nipping at his face as he struggled to open the car door with one hand. Somehow he managed as Lancer is strapped into his car seat, the door was closed and Rouxls got into the driver’s side. Driving to his apartment was difficult with his arm in a sling, so was trying to get Lancer out of the car and opening his door. 

He locked the door behind him and headed straight for his room, depositing the young boy on his bed and kicking off his shoes then flopping onto the bed with his work clothes still on. Rouxls laid on his back as he pulls the comforter from the edge of the bed and placed it over the both them as his heavy eyelids closed shut and the hell of the last several hours melted away as sleep set it’s claim on him.   
\-------------------  
He is awoken by Lancer trying to shake him awake, jostling his broken collar bone which made him in pain. Rouxls was so close to snapping at the boy for waking him up at 5:00 AM until he saw the tear streaked face of a deeply distressed child who was incapable of sleeping on his own. He sighed and opened his one arm so Lancer could snuggled into his side, his soft wet face pressed into the knitted fabric of Rouxls’s sweater when he laid his head on his right pec. The man rubbed slow circles in the child’s back to help him calm down so they both could go back to sleep. He hummed to Lancer like he had when he was an infant, the only songs he knew were Lady Gaga but Lancer didn’t really care as he fell asleep very soon after. 

\-------------------  
“What doest the young prince wanteth for breakfast?” He asked Lancer who sat in a wooden chair on several couch pillows just so he could actually reach the table.

“Waffles with whipped cream, strawberries, chocolate chips and gummy worms!” Lancer pounded his fists on the table, a big toothy smile making its way across his bruised and bandaged face. 

“Unfortunately I has't not any gummy worms but doth has't the rest of those ingredients. Is thou okay with that?” Rouxls smiled genuinely at the young boy who scrunched his face up in disappointment but quickly went back to smiling.

“Hell yeah!” He exclaimed, pounding the table with one hand and flapping his hands excitedly at the idea of a genuine good meal.

“Lancer, watch thy language. Though hell is a Tier One swear, it's undignified for a young knave to beest so crass. Useth heck instead.” Rouxls glanced back at the boy as a warning whose ears drooped and glared down at the table.

“Yes, lesser dad.” He mumbled, swinging his legs as he drummed his hands rhythmically on the table.

“Today, I wast bethinking that perhaps we can go back to thy father's house and collect some of thy things.” Rouxls said as he pour the pancake mix into the waffle iron as Lancer looked on at him in confusion.

“But won’t Dad be there? He was really really mad last night, I don’t think we should go back there…” Lancer trailed off and gingerly thumbed his blacken eye, his mind trailing back to the prior night’s events and his reluctance to ever go back home again. 

“Thy father is in prison, young prince. He is going to beest thither f'r a very long time. Thou art safe and shall nev'r see him again.” Rouxls tried to reassure him, smoothing back the bedraggled fur on his head and placing the plate of waffles on the placemat in front of him.

“Okay...Thank you for the food, lesser dad.” Lancer nodded at his guardian and started to dig into his food like a ravenous pack of wolves. 

“Tis nothing, mine deare. Tis nothing.” Rouxls placed a napkin next to his plate, grimacing at how much of a mess the boy was making making a note that table manners was something that they really needed to work on.

The man set his mug of coffee on the table as well as his plate of food as they ate in silence. Lancer was done relatively quickly, hopping down from his seat and placing his plate in the sink. Hovering over Rouxls to finnish up eating, he protested when his face was scrubbed clean by his guardian but still lingered at his side until he got up to do the dishes. Lancer’s following Rouxls like a lost puppy, even when they got ready to leave.

\---------------------  
Lancer was going through his toys, deciding which ones he wanted to take to Rouxls’s apartment and which ones to donate to the orphanage. He had been very upset when Rouxls said he couldn’t take all his toys home but understood there was only so much room in the two-bedroom apartment. Rouxls was going through and packing the more practical of Lancer’s possessions, such as his clothing and toiletries. Boxes and garbage bags were filled with things, more stuff was being given away than being kept, there wasn’t much in the large house that they wanted to keep. 

“Lancer, behold who is't I hath found.” Rouxls gestured the boy over to him who came scrambling towards him when found that he was holding one of his beloved stuffed animals in his good hand. 

“You found Seam! I was looking everywhere for him but just couldn’t seem to find him.” Rouxls handed Lancer the worn handmade plush cat who tightly hugged it to his chest and tucked it under his arm so he could go back to sorting through his toys.

“I recall at which hour I madeth it f'r thee. The instant I did present it to thee, thee did grab it out of mine own hands and did start to cheweth and slobber all ov'r of it. I constantly hadst to repair it especially at which hour thee did start to teeth. Thee would caterwauling and caterwauling until I wast able to returneth it to thee.” Rouxls found himself waxing nostalgically about Lancer’s babyhood when he was even chubbier and cuter than he was now. 

“I can’t really sleep without him.” Lancer admitted as he placed the two garbage bags of toys at Rouxls’s feet. 

“Art thee done with packing?” Rouxls questioned him as he solemnly nodded. 

“I just needeth to pack some last things and then we can leaveth this all behind.” Rouxls was placing various things in a large box which also had all of Lancer’s legal documents in it. 

“Like what?” Lancer tried to peer into the box only to find manilla folders, various photos of him through the years, pictures and crafts he made, and some other innocuous things that Lancer held no interest in.

“Just keepsakes from thy childhood. Also legal documents and the like. I didst findeth thy baby blanket and christening gown.” Rouxls held up the small embroidered gown which made him scrunch up his nose in disgust.

“It’s really girly looking.” Rouxls gave a hearty laugh and ruffled the boy’s fur.

“I bethought thee did look rather cute in it. Though thee didst caterwauling the entire ceremony. The priest hadst to apace handeth thee back to me 'r else he would wend deaf.” Rouxls dug through one of the photo boxes and handed a photo to Lancer which was of Rouxls and his father in two very nice suits with his father cradling a fussy baby Lancer in his arms.

“Dad was there?” Lancer looked at the photo in shock his thumb rubbing where his father’s face was, the man looked genuinely happy for once in his life. 

“Aye, he wast very proud of thee in yond moment. He also nam'd me thy godfather.” Rouxls smiled ruefully at the picture when Lancer handed it back to him.

“Really?” Lancer’s eyes shone with a joy that made Rouxls’s heart clench in his chest.

“Aye, he wast. Now that I am done, can thee help me putteth these bags and boxes into the car. I only very much has't one armeth at the moment.” Rouxls gathered the box under his arm as Lancer dragged two bags of his toys in one hand and the two bags of his clothes in another. 

Both descended the stairs and walked towards the door. They lingered for a minute, realizing how empty and quiet the place was with no people in it. Rouxls opened the door as Lancer walked out and placed his stuff in the trunk of the car. He stood in the doorway then glanced behind his shoulder at the house he had spent so many painful but joyous years in. Rouxls locked the door behind, walking away from it towards Lancer who was waiting for him.


	2. another kaard in the deck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rouxls and Lancer officially become dad and son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what hoes! Who wants another chapter because god is dead and im running on pure mania! 
> 
> Note: I don't know shit about legal stuff so this is all just stuff I googled.

Rouxls was busy filling out legal paperwork in the waiting room of the courthouse while Lancer watched a movie on his ipad. Irritated, Rouxls went through all the paperwork to make sure he actually done it right while the family lawyer that the officer recommended glanced over his shoulder. Their ruby eyes scrutinized the form, their pale hand pulling on their tie as if it was a noose. When the forme met their satisfaction, they nodded and then glanced at the doors to the courtroom with apprehension. 

“It’s guaranteed you know. Your adoption and legal custody over the boy; it’s all a formality. It’s very cut and dry this case, so don’t worry.” They tried to reassure Rouxls who was bouncing his leg in anxiety, but nothing could calm his fervent rabbit brain.

“Aye…” Rouxls took a deep breath and gathered the paperwork back into the manilla folder.

“ The adoption hearing of Rouxls Kaard over legal guardianship of Lancer Spade?” A paralegal called out as Rouxls tried to compose himself.

“Coming.” The lawyer nodded at the paralegal while Rouxls was fussing over Lancer to make sure he was as neat and tidy as possible.

Rouxls weaved his fingers through Lancer as the lawyer lead them through the heavy ornamental doors and into the massive courtroom where both sat down in the well to wait for the judge. All the paperwork was then looked through a thrice time as there was a knock on the door to announce the judge’s arrival. 

“All stand for Judge Asgore Dreemuur.” A Bailiff called out as everyone stood up to see a massive furry beast of a man in judge’s robes come sit at the bench. 

“Howdy, Chara! It’s funny we ran into each other today. I’m glad to see my child in action!” The judge waved at the lawyer who was profusely blushing, hiding their face behind their briefcase. 

“Father, try to be professional! I am trying to do my job, I am a fellow lawyer not your child right now.” Chara scolded their doting father who giggled and waved his hand while Rouxls chuckled behind his. 

“Sorry, dear. Well, where is the paperwork?” Asgore raised an furry eyebrow while Rouxls scrambled up to the bench to place the manilla folder of legal documents in front of the judge.

“It’s hither, sir. All the documents art in the folder enwheeling his birth certificate and the adoption papers.” Rouxls bowed at the judge then quickly scurried off to sit next to Lancer who was playing with his bowtie. 

“Everything seems to be in order. Can you introduce yourself and why you want adopt Lancer Spade as your own child?” Asgore asked Rouxls as he clasped his hands together and awaited for a satisfactory answer.

“Well, thy honor, I has't known and hath raised lancer from birth. I wast in the hospital room at which hour he wast born and I wast the one who is't did hold and did feed him while his mother died on thee table. Thither hast been not a day since yond I haven't did love and car'd f'r the knave as if 't be true he wast mine own. I am very much the only parent the knave hast ev'r known. I did protect thee from his father's abuse even if 't be true it meanteth suffering that abuse myself. Please, alloweth the knave finally beest with someone who is't shall love and care f'r him like a proper father shouldst.” Rouxls bowed on one knee before Asgore who wiped away the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. 

“It’s obvious that young Lancer has someone who cares about him and loves him very deeply. I would be honored to sign the adoption decree finally legitimizing you as his true parent. I am the adoptive father of two child, one of them being Chara over there, so I have a soft spot for those trying to give a child a loving safe home.” Asgore said as he dabbed his face with a tissue and again pointed out his child who was still dying behind their briefcase. 

“Aye, your honor.” Rouxls nodded his head and then stood back as Asgore lifted the adoption decree paper and set it in front of him. 

“As much as I would love to sign this, there is one more formality that must be done before making this adoption official. Child, can you come over here so I can ask you a very important question?” Asgore gestured Lancer over so he was standing right next to Rouxls who was literally melting from the anxiety. 

“Do you want this man to be your legal father? Please answer this question honestly as there is no judgement if you say no, child.” Asgore looked down at Lancer who scrunched up his face as if he was thinking while Rouxls looked at him with exasperation. 

“Duh, of course I want Lesser Dad to be my real dad! He’s always been my dad and I really want to be his son. Please make him my dad, sir!” Lancer exclaimed as Rouxls nearly facepalmed for the fact that Lancer actually said ‘duh’ to a judge. 

“Okay, then! By the power vested in me by the state of Oregon, I decree Rouxls Kaard as the legal adoptive father of Lancer Spade Kaard.” Asgore banged the gavel twice to make it official as Rouxls opened his arm so Lancer could run up to him and give him a hug.

Poor man was nearly toppled over by boy the who he scooped up with his one usable arm and tightly held him to his chest. Tears ran down his cheeks as well as Lancer’s as they laughed with joy. Asgore got out behind his bench so he was standing next to the two with a polaroid camera that looked like a toy in his massive paw. 

“Chara, come over here so we can take a photo with this lovely new family!” Asgore called over his shoulder to his child who was still as red as a beet. 

Everyone squished together so everyone was in frame, Rouxls having Lancer perched on his arm who was wearing a large toothy smile on his face while Asgore had his massive paws on the shoulders of Rouxls and Chara who looked like they were going to pass out at any moment. Rouxls was handed the adoption decree as well as the photo with Lancer still in his arm as they walked out of the courthouse where both Chara, Asgore, and the rest of staff were waving them out towards the parking lot. As they stood on the curb near Rouxls’s card they noticed Lancer shift to face him as he wrapped his arms around his neck.

“You are no longer my lesser dad; you are now my dad.” Lancer said to Rouxls who kissed the crown of his head and looked down at him with so much pride and love that he felt he would burst.

“Aye, and thou art mine own son. I love thee, Lancer.” Rouxls said as he kissed the boy’s cheek who licked him on the cheek back, Rouxls was too happy to be disgusted by it so he let it slide. 

“I love you too, Dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asgore is a judge in this AU and Chara is his little child lawyer who wanted to take after their dad. Don't worry about Kris or Frisk through, I got some plans for them in future chapters.
> 
> Also I just use a Shakespearean translator for Rouxls's odd and frustrating speech.


	3. the talking fish movie made a grown man cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancer pukes in the hallway and Rouxls being the semi-decent parent that he is tries to take care of his gross sick son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I intended it to be longer as I am a glutton for Sick!fics, there isn't really much ground that I haven't covered before. In reality, the 1200-1600 words goal has been going good for me especially in the amount I have been writing between work and so.

_ A single plate shatters on the floor. The sound of begging and sobbing quieted only to replaced by muffled whimpers and a fist colliding with bone echoes through the large house. Something in him breaks. He slams into a six hundred pound monster, wrestling him away from the cowering boy who runs up the stairs towards his room. He knows he made a mistake. _

_ He feels his clavicle snap as he is easily slammed onto the kitchen floor. There are only so many blows you can dodge before they start to land. He had never seen Spade so mad before. His eyes were wild and hungry for violence, the look of a rabid animal rather than that of a rational monster. He knows he will die if he continues this fight. Who will take care of Lancer then?  _

_ Then he feels glass shards embed themselves in his face as Spade screams in pain. Lancer had thrown a glass at his father’s face. Several glasses in fact. Spade lifts himself off of him and looks like he was seriously going to kill his son instead of “knocking him around”. Lancer whimpers as he tries to run away from the angry lumbering beast looking ready to tear his throat out. _

_ He panics. Blank. There is a shard of glass in his fist. His hand is smeared with blood. Spade is screaming in agony as he clutches his left eye. His hand are covered with scarlet red blood. He grabs Lancer and bolts. The door is slammed. Rapid knocking on a neighbor’s door to let them. Blank. Blank. Blank. Police sirens and ambulances. Lancer was gripping onto his sweater for dear life the entire ride to the hospital.  _

_ \---------------------- _

Rouxls looked out at the window at the sky which had broken into bright oranges and pinks despite the fact it was only 4 PM, nursing his cup of tea in his one good hand. His feet were propped up on the ottoman, his mind in far away places that he’d rather preferred not to explore but came poking around in regardless. Lancer was somewhere, probably in his room either napping or playing something on his handheld. 

Rouxls was glad to have some time to himself so he could unwind and relax without being pestered by Lancer.  His shoulder was killing him and he had to take a handful of aspirin between his sips of tea as well having an ice pack pressed against where the fracture was. Despite the fact he was savoring his time alone, something was not sitting well in his stomach.

Call it a sixth sense but he could tell when something was wrong with Lancer, the house was a bit too quiet for his liking. Before he could push himself off of the couch to check on him, he heard a pitiful groan coming from the hallway as the click of nails on the hardwood floor made its way towards the living room where he stood.

The scent of vomit assaulted his nostrils as Lancer staggered towards him, clutching his stomach in pain. He shot up from the couch and quickly knelt in front of his son, checking him over to see what was wrong. Lancer’s face and the front of his shirt was covered in the remnants of his last meal, he sobbed and whimpered in pain while he tightly held his stomach. The only thing Rouxls could do was smooth the sweaty fur on the back of his head and lift the boy up with his good arm and let him rest his head on his shoulder. 

“I felt really sick and wasn’t able to make it to the bathroom so I threw up in the hall. I’m sorry, it probably smells really bad.” Lancer sniffed as Rouxls walked to the only bathroom in the apartment, stepping over the puddle of vomit Lancer had left in the middle of carpet.

“It's well enow, darling. It's nothing yond can't easily beest did clean up later. However, alloweth's focus on getting thee crisp and free of vomit. Quite in earnest, thou art disgusting even but now.” Rouxls tried to reassure him, patting him on the back as he opened the door to the bathroom.

Rouxls placed Lancer on the ground, trying to help him get out of his soiled clothing as well as running him a warm bath. He ran his hand under the water faucet to make sure it was the right temperature as he lifted Lancer into the tub and got him to sit in the water that barely went to his waist. The tub continued to fill with water as Rouxls added some bubble soap to the water so Lancer might find the bath a little more enjoyable as he was sullenly looking at him like the most miserable person alive. Once the water was at Lancer’s shoulders, the water was turned off and Lancer was left to play and splash around in water while Rouxls took to cleaning him.

Rouxls’s poured some of the tears-free shampoo in his hand as he started to massage it into Lancer’s dirty fur. Lancer looked up at his father as if to ask him a question only to have Rouxls’s start to scrub around his mouth with a washcloth. His words came out muffled and unintelligible before giving up and going back to making a giant volcano out of the bubbles. This was ruined when Rouxls’s dumped a cup of water over his head to rinse the shampoo out of his fur. He whined in protest when Rouxls pulled the plug and wrapped him up in a big fluffy towel and sat him on the toilet.  

“I needeth to receiveth thee some robes, so stayeth putteth until I returneth.” Rouxls told him as he gave him a pat on the cheek before heading into Lancer’s room for a change of clothes. 

Lancer stayed put, swaddled in a massive towel like a bat boy burrito until Rouxls returned with a pair of pajamas. Lazily, he complied with Rouxls’s attempt to dress him, still sitting there like a ragdoll until the man pulled out a thermometer and medicine then his whole demeanor changed to a cranky child who didn’t want to take his medicine. 

“Noooooo, it’s gross and bitter and nasty! I’m not taking it! Never!” He proclaimed as he squirmed and kicked his legs while Rouxls tried to keep him still with his one good arm.

“Lancer, thee needeth to thy medicine 'r thou art not going to becometh well again. We shall sitteth hither the entire night if 't be true we has't to. I shall not back down on this.” Rouxls told him which made Lancer freeze for a second as his face scrunched up as if he was preparing to make another protest. 

“Mmmmmm…” Lancer mumbled and looked down at his feet, all his resistance and fight gone as Rouxls stuck the medicine spoon in his mouth and forced him to swallow the disgusting rubbery syrup by pinching his nose closed.

“Thank thee. Anon we just needeth to taketh thy temperature.  Open up so I can stick the thermometer under thy tongue. Nay biting 'r I shall needeth to retake it.” Lancer obeyed his father reluctantly as he opened his mouth so Rouxls could slide in the thermometer, knowing the more he complied the soon he could lie down.

The thermometer beeped and Rouxls pulled it out of Lancer's mouth, examining it as the numbers on the screen read ‘105.3’ which made him click his tongue. Though a fever was between 99.6-103.5 for humans, monsters had a much different range in temperatures even amongst different species. Lancer's fever was pretty high even for a Dark Jack so Rouxls couldn't but be concerned for the boy. 

“Thy fev'r is much too high f'r mine own liking, but alas thither is not much I can doth.  Cometh on, alloweth's wend did lie down.” Rouxs lifted Lancer up with his one good arm and headed back to the living room.

Roulx laid down with his back against the couch’s arm, spreading his legs out as he let Lancer lie down on his right bicep and gently moved his sling so it was resting on the small of his son's back. He then pulled off the fleece blanket folded on top of the couch and draped it over the both of them. 

“Dad, can I watch a movie?” Lancer looked up at him from his place on top of his chest, his big black eyes staring up at Rouxls in the most adorable unintentional puppy dog face possible.

“Yes, young prince. What do you want to watch as long it is not obnoxious?” Rouxls’s reached over for the remote sitting on the coffee table, turning on the tv so he could flip through the channels for something worth watching.

“Shrek! The second one with Puss in Boots and they turn into humans, and there is a giant gingerbread man who attacks the castle while the fairy godmother is singing! That one!” Lancer exclaimed while Rouxls flipped to OnDemand and rented the movie. 

“Thee has't excellent gust in cinema, Lancer. Truly, one of the greatest films ev'r madeth.” Rouxls smirked as Lancer grinned up at him as they geared to watch the best of the Shrek movies and really the best movie of all time.

Rouxls was glad that it wasn’t The Bee Movie this time as that movie was a fever dream in it of itself and was so mind-numblingly ludicrous that by the end he swore he had a stroke and was in hell. Shrek 2 really was a great movie and he would watch it several times over before even considering watching that bee Jerry Seinfeld drug-induced psychosis nightmare. He couldn’t help but be pleasantly surprised when Lancer asked to watch Finding Nemo where afterwards he couldn’t help but sob because the movie was too damn relatable. Early bedtime was enforced after that but Rouxls couldn’t stop smiling when Lancer pointed out that Marlin and Nemo were just like them when they were winding down for sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Shrek 2 is a fucking masterpiece. Fight me!


	4. !@#$ gang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancer starts his first day of school and joins a gang!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loooooong chapter for the drought that is soon to come since this hoe got work from 2-9 for the next five days! Suzie is such a joy to write and truly a lesbian icon for all.

“Why do I need to go to school?” Lancer asked Rouxls as they pulled into the parking lot of The Dreemuur School.

“I needeth to start working since thy father is nay longer in the equation. I can nay longer homeschool thee and act as thy tut'r.  School shall beest valorous f'r thee as thee shall maketh many friends hither and learneth things yond I cannot teachest thee.” Rouxls replied as he got out of the car and helped Lancer out of his car seat as they made their way to the front of the building.

“But what if I don’t make any friends and people are mean to me?” Lancer looked up at him, his eyes slightly shielded from the hood he was wearing.

“Thee wilt not payeth attention to what others sayeth about coequal t is exceptionally cruel and damaging.  Thee might not but keepeth thy headeth did hold high and ignore the lowly worms who is't seek to being thee down to thy level.  But the children hither art nice from what I hath heard, so thee wilt not worry about only theoretical things.” Rouxls tried to reassure his child as they stood in front the school doors, Lancer’s hand tightly squeezing his in anxiety.

“Okay, I’m try…” Lancer looked down as Rouxls knelt to his length so he could him a hug, Lancer buried his face in his jacket as kids passed them to get to their classes.

“T's going to beest well enow, young prince. I love thee and tryeth to beest valorous>” Rouxls kissed him on the forehead as he got up and headed for the car.

Lancer was left standing in front of the doors; watching Rouxls drive away, leaving him to face the trials and tribulations of school alone. He opened the massive glass door as the cavernous hallways of the school enveloped him, making him feel even smaller and insignificant than he already felt. He stood there cluelessly until the school bell rang and he was the only one left standing in the hallway. The doors behind him opened and he was left staring up at a shaggy haired teenager in a striped shirt whose eyes were completely shrouded by their long unkempt bangs.

“Um...do you where Mx. Wrym’s class is?” Lancer’s voice shook as he asked the lanky stranger whose face was completely neutral of almost all emotion. 

But to his surprise, they nodded yes as they took his hand in their clammy one and lead him through the many corridors of the school until they reached a brightly colored door plastered with dozens of multi-colored paper dragon cutouts. They released his hand and looked down at him, their eyes finally visible when they tucked their bangs behind their ears. Kind pine green eyes peered back at him as they gave him a pat on the head and knocked on the door.

_ “Have a good first day. My name is Kris by the way and I’m here if you need any more help finding your way around school.”  _ Kris signed in MSL before they turned away and started walking towards their class which was in the secondary school building.

Lancer stood there dazed until the door opened up to reveal a very tall imposing orange monster who looked very much like a dragon but instead of having arms, their forelimbs were wings. They smiled at him to reveal a perfect set of pearly sharp teeth as Lancer was left just staring at them like they were going to eat him whole.

“Hello, you must be Lancer! I’m glad you found your way to my class especially since it’s your first day and all being your first day. My name is Mx. MK Wyrm but you can just call me Wyrm for short.” They held out a wing for him to shake but all he could do was stand there thinking of Kris as the teacher lead him into the class and shut the door behind them. 

                                                           --------------------------

“Hey, you’re the new kid right?” Lancer heard a nasally voice from behind him as he turned to see a mean looking human glaring down at him with their blue piggy eyes.

“Yeah, my name’s Lancer. What’s your name?” Lancer held out his hand to shake the person’s hand only to be left hanging as they looked at it with disgust.

“I don’t give a damn about what your name is, because all I wanna is to know is if you’re a retard. You sure do act like one and dress like one. You sure ain’t supposed to be in the special needs class with all the other retards especially since you can’t even look me in the eye and keep doing that weird shit with your hands?”  The kid grabbed his face so he was forced to look him in the eye, Lancer was left frozen in place as he shook with fear.

“I-I am not a retard! Y-You shouldn’t call people names like that. I-I will tell a t-teacher that you said a tier t-three swear.” Lancer stammered as the kid let out a nasty chuckle and slammed him against the wall hard.

“A tier three swear word? What kind of faggoty horse shit is that? You must be a faggot and a retard.” The kid pinned him against the wall by his neck, he was left sputtering and choking as black spots started to dance in his vision.

“P-please...let...me...go...can’t...breath…!” Lancer gasped for air as the snarling grin of the bully twisted into the face of his supposedly imprisoned father. 

“No way in hell! This school has no place for retarded faggots like you. My mom says-!” The bully was cut off mid ableist sentence by what looked like a massive purple fist colliding with their jaw.

Lancer was dropped hard of on pavement as he gasped and sputtered for air, the bruises on his neck were a nasty shade of purple which matched with the dozens of other yellowing old ones that covered his face and body. He felt a gentle hand on his back as he broke into full spasming sobs and hot burning tears. Somebody had buried his face into their chest as they tightly hugged him as he broke down in their arms, rubbing circles in their back as what sounded like horrible violence was going on behind them. Too frightened to look behind him as he glanced up to see the kind comforting face of Kris looking down at him. 

“ _ Don’t worry I got you. Let’s go to somewhere quieter with less people.”  _ Kris signed as he was lift up bridal style when he caught a glimpse of a massive purple girl clobbering the absolute the shit out of the bully. 

Kris whistled a low but sharp note as the girl’s head peered up and nodded, getting up from the now pulverised kid before giving them a final kick in the ribs as a warning. They then made a break for it as Kris and the girl with Lancer in tow, ran across the soccer field and past the baseball diamonds as the girl busted a lock on the fence where they ran out into woods behind the school so none of the teachers could find them. The running slowed to a casual walk when they were deeper in the forest. Lancer was nestled in the arms of Kris until he was gently placed on a musty bean bag where he finally felt save enough to open his eyes and look around.

“Welcome to the Fuck Gang hideout, kid.” The girl said as she leaned over the bean bag chair looking down at Lancer with a poorly concealed concern expression on her face.

“The what?” He scrunched up his face in confusion as he tried to lift himself up into a sitting position before groaning and falling back onto the bean bag. 

“ _ The Fuck Gang, it’s the name of our gang. I guess it’s not really a gang, well I mean it’s just me and Suzie but we call it a gang. Anyway, we brought you here so we could get some privacy.”  _ Kris signed as Suzie nodded and rummaged through what looked like a mini fridge for an ice pack before throwing it to Kris.

“Well, we actually brought you here so the teachers won’t find us and suspend us for “assault”. Which that wasn’t assault by the way, it was justice. Or at least that’s what my mom would call it.” Suzie said as she also pulled a massive tub of cookie dough nice cream out of the freezer and stabbed three spoons in it before returning to Lancer’s bean bag bed and offered him a spoon.

“Fuck is a tier two swear. My dad would be pretty mad if I said it.” Lancer replied as he dipped the spoon into the nice cream and enjoyed the blissful chilly goodness as Kris pressed the ice pack against the bruises on their neck.

“A tier what?” Suzie lifted an eyebrow as she took a massive scoop of the nice cream and shoveled it her tyrannosaurus like jaws.

“My dad has three different tiers for swear words. Tier one swears are one I can use but shouldn’t because my dad says it makes me sound like a “crude doult with no functional brain activity”. Tier two swears are words that that I should never say like fuck or else my dad will punish me by washing my mouth out with soap. Tier three swears are awful words used to hurt people and should never be said by anyone. That kid called me an tier three swear.” Lancer tried to explain the tier swearing system through all Kris and Suzie could do was look at him like he had an extra ear.

“My mom lets me swear all I want because it would mean she would have to stop swearing which would be impossible for her. My other mom doesn’t particularly like either of us swearing but there ain’t much she can do about it, seeing that she a swearing master when she makes a mistake in the lab.” Suzie said as she offered the tub to Kris who gladly took a scoop while they continued to examine Lancer’s injuries. 

“ _ My parents let my swear as long as it’s not aimed to hurt people though my Batty says it’s okay if that person is being a piece of garbage.”  _ Kris signed as their hand started to glow an odd shade of green which they pressed to the bruises on Lancer’s neck.

“What are you doing? It feels really nice.” Lancer asked Kris who went on to press their glowing hand on his various injuries which strangely stopped hurting afterwards.  

“ _ My Batty and Azzy know magic and taught me how to use various spells. I’m not particularly good at the fire spells that Azzy knows but Batty is pretty good at healing magic which I can do decently if I pay attention.”  _ Kris signed which made Lancer’s eyes shine with admiration and awe that made them blush.

“That’s so cool! All I know how to do is summon spades which my father taught me to do before he went away.” Lancer placed his palm flat upwards towards the ceiling as four black and blue spades appeared and waived above his hand before phasing out within a matter of seconds.

 

“I only know some basic battle magic that Mom #1 taught me which includes paralyzing people and summoning spears to stab them with. I’m still pretty ass at it though so I just use my fists.” Suzie said as she suddenly made Kris freeze into place as their red soul turned a neon green and summoned three massive spears that came hurtling at their chest before dissipating in midair as Kris’s soul became red again then faded from view. 

“AWESOME!!! You guys are so awesome!” Lancer shot up from the bean bag and raised his fist in the air as he ran around the small clubhouse before dropping his fists, suddenly deflated of all his enthusiasm.

“Why did you save then, when the kid was being mean and almost choked me? I’m not cool at all, in fact I’m a loser. He called me a retard which is true. I am a retard. My father used to call me retarded all the time…” Lancer glanced down at his fists then clenched them, tears rolling down his cheeks.

_ “I don’t think you are a retard. Honestly to even be using it as a slur as if it’s a horrible thing to be mentally disabled is disgusting. I saved you because I was you once. The weird new kid who nobody wants to help or interact with. Me and Suzie both have been there.”  _ Kris placed their hands on Lancer’s shoulders and gave them a squeeze.

“That kid was a fucking mouth breather, you aren’t retarded. You’re actually pretty cool if you stand up to a fucker like him. Kris told me about you in class and when we saw that piece of garbage picking on you, I kinda snapped. Who picks on a little kid like that?” Suzie said as she bent to Lancer’s height and gave him a noogie.

“I wished I had friends like you guys...Can you be my friends? Can I be apart of the Fuck Gang?” Lancer peered up at Suzie, his eyes wide and hopeful.

“Hell yeah, little man! Of course you can be apart of the Fuck Gang, Lancer. In fact, you are now the mascot of the Fuck Gang!” Suzie shouted as she lifted Lancer into the air as he cheered in jubilation while Kris clapped.  

“ _ Welcome to the Fuck Gang, Lancer.”  _ Kris signed as they patted him on back as he looked back at them with a shit eating grin. 

“There is one thing I wanna ask, though.” Lancer said as Suzie held him out in front of her.

“Like what?” Suzie raised an eyebrow as Lancer blushed and stuck his tongue out as he stared down at the ground.

“Can we change the name of the Fuck Gang? My dad would ground me if he heard me say it.”

                                                              -----------------------

The Piss Gang (formerly known as the Fuck Gang) were able to get off relatively scott-free being that the victim of Suzie’s wrath nearly choked another kid to death and everybody in the school’s administration had been looking for a reason to expel said bully. As Lancer stood on the curb waiting for his dad to pick him up, he wasn’t doing it alone. Suzie and Kris were right by his side when Rouxls drove up to drop off to pick him up, hugging them both goodbye while Rouxls smiled to himself over the fact that his child had made actual friends. Once Lancer was buckled into his car seat and they had driven away, Rouxls felt comfortable enough to ask his son about his first day at school.

“How wast thy first day of school, Lancer? T seemeth thee hadst madeth some new friends.” Rouxls looked back at him from behind the steering wheel as Lancer was practically jumping up and down in his seat in excitement. 

“Yeah, they are super super cool! Suzie and Kris can both do magic and beat up the bullies like the heroes in stories! I even joined their gang, I’m the mascot!” Lancer was practically panting as talked about his new best friends which made Rouxls smile even bigger as all his fears about leaving Lancer in the care of the public schooling system disappear. 

“What perchance is thy name of this gang?” Rouxls chuckled as they pulled into the driveway of their apartment complex.

“The Piss Gang!” Lancer exclaimed as Rouxls choked on his own spit.

“Lancer, what kind of foul name is yond f'r a group of friends? I bethought thee kneweth better than useth such language especially 'round me?” Rouxls glared back at his child as Lancer felt himself sweating bullets. 

“Don’t worry, dad. The name was alot worse before I made them change it. It used to be called the Fuck Gang.” Lancer realized too late that he had dropped the cursed F-bomb and look of complete outrage on Rouxls’s face would still appear in his nightmares for years to come.

“THE WHAT!!! LANCER!!!!” 

And that how Lancer joined the Piss Gang and also how he got grounded for an entire week. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Lancer officially joins the Piss Gang! It was tie between damn, hell, and piss but everyone agreed that piss sounded the most intimidating and worst out of the bunch. Everyone in the Piss Gang is autistic and beats the shit out of ablest homophobic bullies. Some other notes are:  
> * Mx. Wyrm is an adult Monster Kid based off that wyvern design of them floating around on Tumblr.  
> * Humans and monsters are capable of using magic but who can use it depends on the individual's affinity for it.   
> *The Dreemurr School is a K-12 school which has a primary building for the elementary school students and a secondary building for middle and high school students.   
> * Kris and Suzie are both adopted but by different people. Take a wild guess on who. :P  
> *Kris is roughly fourteen in this AU along Suzie being fifteen. Both are eighth graders but Suzie got held back because of "developmental reasons". Lancer is seven and is in second grade.


	5. trees and feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Kaard Family gets a Christmas tree!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably take a break from writing seeing that I have been updating nearly every day. Alas, the drought of lesser dad content makes me writing more because of my thirst.

he festive melodies of Lady Gaga’s iconic Christmas album, A Very Gaga Christmas, was playing in the car as the Kaard family drove through the many foothills of Mt. Ebott in search for the perfect Christmas tree. This was to be Lancer’s first time going to a real Christmas tree farm and cutting down a real life tree, so Rouxls wanted to make it special. Rouxls as a child loved going up on the mountain with his father to illegally cut down the perfect christmas tree in the Ebott National Forest before booking it from the Park Service. 

Those were some of his most cherished childhood memories and he could help but be bitter when Spade decided to buy a plastic tree because he “didn’t have the time nor patience” for a real one. This meant Lancer would never get to experience a real tree which was rather sad to him. But now, they could make those memories now that Spade was out of the picture. Honestly they were living in the best place to do such a thing, the state had the most Christmas tree farms out of any other state in the country. It was hard even choosing where you were even going to go for a tree since there was so many places to choose from. But Rouxls knew where he wanted to go, he had his eyes on this farm for years as he longed to go here with Lancer. 

He pulled into the gravel parking area on a somewhat steep incline of a mountain covered with firs and pines as far as you see. Rouxls helped Lancer out of his car seat as he collected his handy hand saw he had inherited from his father in the trunk. Gently, he rolled out his recently healed shoulder that had been in a sling for over several weeks. Lancer was holding his hand as they crossed the parking lot, the saw in his other hand. 

Lancer was practically pulling him along as he wanted to cut down a tree so bad that Rouxls swore he would try to cut the first one he had come across if he wasn’t the one holding it. The main tent where the cash register was along with complimentary hot cocoa and candy canes were. Both were practically bouncing on their heels in excitement as the christmas feeling was entirely intoxicating to all on the premise. 

“Hey Dad, can we get hot cocoa? Please?” Lancer pointed at the tray of freshly made cocoa held by one of the “elves”. 

“Aye, though I desire thee crash not anon at which hour we art still looking f'r a tree.” Rouxls lifted one of the paper coffee cups from the tray and handed it to Lancer as he also got one for himself.

“Beest careful, dear. T's very hot and I wanteth not thee to burn thy tongue.” He blew on his cup as Lancer did the same before taking a sip. 

“Heh, you have cocoa mustache!” Lancer pointed out as he took a massive glup of his, marshmallows and whipped cream in all.

“So doth thee, worm.” Rouxls chuckled and went to wipe the whipped cream cocoa encrusted face of Lancer with a napkin he swiped from the “elf”.  
They climbed into the tractor pulled wagon and sat down on a bench while they continued to drink their cocoa as Lancer chattered on about how cool their tree was going to be. Rouxls lifted Lancer off of the wagon once they got to area they wanted to go to, both slogging through the muddy ground of the mountain which was extremely common of this time of year because of the constant rain. Lancer kept pointing at the massive trees over ten feet tall which Rouxls’s had to keep telling him it was too tall for their apartment. Both walked on as Lancer started to complain about his feet and Rouxls had to tell him he wasn’t going to carry him with his muddy boots on his feet. 

“Dad, have you found a tree yet? My feet are really starting to hurt.” Lancer whined as he dragged his heels through the mud until Rouxls was forced to stop.

“Beest patience, Lancer. I bethink I see a Noble Fir which hast the correct height and shape ov'r thither.” Rouxls told him as they hiked further up to the tree of his fancy and nodded when he gave it the full look around.

“I bethink we has't hath found our tree.” Rouxls placed his gloved hands on his hips as he let out a content sigh.

“Can I cut it down? Please, Dad? Pleeeeeeease?” Lancer jumped up to grab the saw from Rouxls’s hand who held it up so Lancer couldn’t reach.

“Nay, t's more dangerous and tougher than t looks. Thee might cutteth thy handeth seeing as thee hath little regard at which cometh to tool safety.” Rouxls crouched down on his stomach as he started to quickly sawed away at the trunk of the tree.

Lancer just whined and stomped his foot as he squatted down so he could watch his father whittled away through the wood of the tree as it nearly fell into the mud before Rouxls caught it and lifted it up. Then they walked back until the wagon arrived and Rouxls placed the tree in the tracker’s bucket. Lancer leaned against Rouxls in exhaustion as he wrapped his arm around the boy and felt bad when he had to make him get up. The tree was shaked and baled then tied to the hood of their car while Rouxls was left with only the task of pulling off Lancer’s disgusting boots along with his and buckling him into his car seat where quickly nodded off. 

“Thee hath said thee wouldn't crash, Lancer. Alas, I understandeth thee well, knave. I am exhaust'd as well, curs'd ADHD brain of mine.” Rouxls chuckled to himself as he pulled out and headed onto the mountain road which lead back to town.

Lancer slept leaning against the window with his tongue poking out his mouth, much like when he was baby. Rouxls couldn’t help but smile to himself when he glanced back into the back seat to see if he was doing okay. The car was quiet the entire way home but Rouxls didn’t mind. The sound of Lancer’s soft little snorts and muttering in his sleep was the only music he would ever need.   
\--------------------------------------  
“Beest careful, this ornament is very important to me.” Rouxls said as he placed what looked like a footprint embedded in silver in Lancer's hands.

“What is it? It just look like a foot.” Lancer scrunched up his face in confusion as Rouxls chuckled and turned it over in his hand.

“Tis not just any foot, t's thy footprint from at which hour thee wast born. Thy father hadst t cast'd in silv'r and gift'd t to me on Christmas. T remains the most wondrous gift I has't ev'r reciev'd besides thee.” Rouxls gazed nostalgically at the ornament, his thumb under the engraving of Lancer's name and birthdate.

“I had really tiny feet.” Lancer said as he lifted the ornament and hung it on the sturdiest branch he could find. 

“You wast a very tiny baby at which hour thee wast born, less than four pounds when weighed. Thee wast nearly three months premature which the doctors pondered t a miracle thee even hath lived. T wast did suggest to me by one of the NICU nurses yond I hold thee bare chested; she hath called t kangaroo care I believeth. Silly thine knoweth, but even after we tooketh thee home, I still didst t f'r a few extra weeks just to beest safe. ” Rouxls smiled as Lancer flopped down next him and curled up in his lap.

“Did my father ever do that with me?” Lancer asked him, looking up at him with two wide hopeful eyes only to see Rouxls’s expression cloud over as he ran a hand over his fur.

“ Alas, thy father wast too preoccupi'd with thy mother's funeral arrangements to visit thee. I wast the one who is't hath decided to stayeth in the hospital with thee as he did need time to grieve. Though on nonce he would linger in thy room and even hold thee from time to time. He bethought he would breaketh thee.” Rouxls looked off in the distance, his mind on darker times that he wished could’ve been happier.

“Oh…” Lancer trailed off and buried his face in Rouxl’s stomach as he started to tremble with sobs.

“It's okay, young prince. It's okay to cry.” Rouxls gathered him into his arms as he felt tears of his own rolling down his cheeks.

“Will it ever stop hurting? When I think of him, it hurts. Does that go away?” Lancer mumbled into his shirt as Rouxls rubbed circles in his back.

“I knoweth not, Lancer. I haven't coequal hath reached yond point myself. I knoweth not if 't be true t ev'r truly stops hurting.” Rouxls lifted the boy up and carried him to the kitchen, his small chubby body still trembling against his.  
Rouxls set him on the counter as Lancer let out a sharp whine as he still wanted to be in his arms. But much to his irritation, Rouxls seemed preoccupied by rummaging around in the cupboards for something. He was about to have a fit for being ignored, only to have Rouxls drop a bag of gummy worms in his lap and lift him back up. His tight grip was back around him and he again felt safe as Rouxls laid back down on the couch with him in his arms. The massive bag was opened and both started to suck down the sour worms which made the both of them feel better instantly, as if taking medicine. 

“I wanna watch Kung Fu Panda…” Lancer whined, Rouxls rolled his eyes as he swaddled the both of them in a massive comforter.

“Aye, which one?” Rouxls took a huge fistful of the worms and stuffed it into his mouth while he switched to Netflix with remote,

“All of them.” Lancer made his father groan as he turned on the first, shifting to get them comfortable as he knew they would be sleeping on the couch.

“Aye, young prince.” Rouxls tucked Lancer’s head under his chin and placed the bottomless worm bag on the coffee table as they watched the opening scenes.

“I love you, dad.” Lancer whispered as he shoved more worms in his mouth, Rouxls nuzzled his nose against Lancer’s who giggled in return.

“I loveth you too, sweete. But please don’t interrupt the movie, tis one of my favorites.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol fuck you dad. hah....


	6. bringth thine childe to work day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancer teaches a collage class about bugs and Rouxls might've found a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hohohoho~! Here is another chapter my pretties. Honestly I had no idea were I was going with this besides the base concept. Mettaton just kinda snuck his way in.

“Lancer, hold mine own handeth. The university is big and thee might get lost.” Rouxls held out his hand so Lancer would take hold of it.

“Mmmm, okay.” Lancer weaved his fingers between his father’s as they walked through the parking lot to the biology wing of the sciences building. 

Lancer looked around in awe as he saw students passing across the campus, some bright-eyed and cheery while others were practically laying dead on the sidewalk. He wanted to explore more of the campus but Rouxls was in a hurry so he ended up being nearly dragged through the doors of the building. The carrying cage for his two rhinoceros beetles slapped against his leg as they flew down the hall. Once they were in the classroom, Lancer set the cage down on the lecture podium and quickly scampered behind Rouxls’s legs to shield himself from the close to a hundred eyes peering down at him. 

“Valorous morn, class. The present day I has't hath brought mine own son, Lancer, with me to class f'r Taketh Thy Child To Worketh Day. He is going to beest helping me with the lesson and if 't be true any of thee worms art malapert to him, I shall maketh sure thee fail this class.” Rouxls stood up on the platform as Lancer peeked behind his legs at the smiling and waving college students. 

“Um...Hi!” Lancer was lifted onto a stool by Rouxls so they were able to see him better. 

“Hi, Professor Lancer!” The students shouted back in unison which made Lancer cover his ears and press himself against Rouxls in fear.

“Dears, I wilt sayeth yond Lancer hast very sensitive hearing and can't standeth loud noises. Tryeth to beest quiet and speaketh one at a time as thee doest with me.” Rouxls announced to his students as he gave Lancer a pat on the back for support.

“Umm...today I will be teaching you about rhinoceros beetles like my two pet ones, Romeo and Juliet.” Lancer lifted the carrier over his head so all could see them, there was quiet applause from the students as he set the carrier down and reached into it to pluck out one of the beetles and let it crawl around on the table.

“So is the one I picked out and is crawling around on table, a boy or a girl?” Lancer asked his “class” as Rouxls adjusted the overhead project so everyone could have a up close view of the insect.

“Umm...I believe that is a male rhino beetle...am I correct?” A student raised her hand and stammered, the chubby monster girl who resembled a boar looked down in embarrassment 

“You are correct! Do you wanna pet Romeo as a reward?” Lancer lifted the bug up in his hands as the girl nodded furiously and sped walk towards the table.  
“How did you know it was a boy?” Lancer asked her as he was now sitting on the table while the girl ran her fingers over the shiny jet black shell of Romeo.

I-I...l-loved...beetles as k-kid..and I know males h-have a much more...pronounced h-horn…” The girl mumbled as Lancer smiled again and geastured at Rouxls for something.

“Dad, give her the Stamp of Approval!” Lancer bounced in excitement as Rouxls smiled and nodded who then pressed a stamp into an ink pad and stamped it on her hand.

“T-thank you!” The girl blushed furiously as she scurried back to her desk as she admired the cute worm stamp on her hand.

“Okay, worms! What species are my beetles?” Lancer countered at the class, very much mimicking his dad who was furiously grinning as his boy for being so cute.

“It’s a Japanese Rhinoceros Beetle!” A student shouted as they ran to get their turn to pet the bug and get the blessed Stamp of Approval.

Soon everybody was clambering to get Professor Lancer’s approval and pet the Blessed Beetle of A’s which also went towards appraising their professor who would go on who lectures about his precious baby boy for minutes at a time. If it meant humoring a second grader, they would jump through a hoop of fire for the child. As everything was starting to settle down, Lancer went to Rouxls’s desk and started to color in a insect coloring book while Rouxls was left to take off with the actual lesson. Suddenly then, everyone's enthusiasm died as Rouxls started his lecture on the mating habits of Platyhelminthes. 

\---------------------------  
Rouxls led Lancer through the cafeteria to find a spot to sit when he heard a loud heavy grunt aimed in his direction, lifted his head to see the massive purple girl who usually stood next to his son in the school’s pickup area sitting at a far end table next to a window. Lancer started rapidly tugging on his hand, trying to pull him in the direction of his friend. He rolled his eyes as he walked over to the table and sat down next to the bioengineering professor who was eating her egg salad sandwich while she furiously wrote down notes in a notebook which somewhat resembled the scribblings on a schizophrenic's wall. 

“What are you doing here today, little man?” Susie asked as Lancer sat down next to her as he reached into his backpack for his paper bag lunch.

“I’m here for Take Your Kid To Work day with my dad. He teaches people about bugs and I got to teach them today too!” Lancer exclaimed while he took a massive bite out of his cream cheese worm sandwich. 

“Same. I wanted to go with Mom #1 ‘cause she was busting up a drug ring today but Mom #2 said it was too dangerous so I had to go with her. It wasn’t all that bad though, I watched her blow something up and Uncle Mettaton was there.” Susie said nonchalantly as she dumped a crap-ton of sriracha in her egg-salad sandwich, Lancer’s eyes were as big as saucers.

“Dad, I want you to meet Susie! She was the one who beat up the bully and saved me along with Kris! She’s super super rad and cool!” Lancer slammed his hands on the table as Rouxls gestured for him to calm down.

“Nice to meeteth thee, Susie. Lancer is quite fond of thee, thee knoweth? All I heareth at home is Susie this and Susie yond. Thou art a hero to him. I'm fain he hast hath met a friend such as thee.” Rouxls smiled gently at the girl who turned a deep shade of crimson and covered her face with her hands.

“Umm...thanks...I guess…” She muttered as Lancer poked her in the ribs to see if she was okay before she spun around and started to give him a playful noogie. 

“Susie has been really happy about becoming friends with Lancer as well. She has been swearing alot less after hearing he got grounded because of her pottymouth. It’s nice knowing she has another friend besides Kris honestly. I was starting to get worried she was becoming too much like me.” Susie’s mother said in a high nasally voice, looking up at him as she pushed her frames up on her nose.

“Oh? You’re Dr. Alphys, the Bioengineering Professor and the sole engineer of Mettaton. Wow.” Rouxls said as he shook hands with her as she quickly averted his gaze and looked back at her lap. 

“And you are Lancer’s newly adoptive father and the Entomology Professor. I’m not really that impressive, Mettaton really created the entire design himself; I just added science and made it work.” Alphys rubbed the back of her head as Rouxls chuckled awkwardly and averted his gaze also. 

“Hey, mama. Do you know where Uncle Mettaton went?” Susie asked Alphys as tall pink shadow loomed over her and place it’s cold metal hands under her shirt.

“I’M RIGHT HERE DARLING!!!” A very loud and very theatrical voiced yelled behind her as she would’ve fallen off the bench of the table in surprise if the strange man hadn’t caught her. 

“I found him, mama.” Susie said as she waived at Mettaton who blew her kiss before quickly shifting his gaze to Rouxls. 

“Oh~ Who may you be, dear? One of dear Alphie's friends I presume?” He asked Rouxls, winking at him which made him turn a shade of blue darker and melt just by his gaze.

“Umm...tis Rouxls Kaard…I'm Alphys's coworker...yeah…” Rouxls stammered, staring down at his feet until he felt a tug on his sweater.

“Dad, are you okay? You look really sick.” Lancer tugged on his sleeve, his little concerned face looking up at him in confusion as he quickly shook his head and placed a hand on Lancer's.

“T's fine, sweete. T's just hot in hither. Very much really hot…” Rouxls reassured him as a cold metal hand flug to his forehead which made him nearly shoot ten feet up in the air.

“I don't know, darling. You feel pretty warm to me. You sure you aren't coming under the weather?” Mettaton clucked his tongue as Rouxls scooted away from his touch. 

“Aye, well haply I shouldst freshen up in the restroom. Lancer, stayeth hither with Alphys and Susie while I'm gone.” Rouxls quickly shoved his stuff into his bag as he sped walk to the furthest bathroom, still melting like candle wax under a lit flame. 

He locked himself in a stall as he sat on the toilet, his burning face buried in his hands. Try as he may to cool down from the encounter with Mettaton, his chest still felt ten times tighter regardless of the fact that he had slipped off his binder so he could breathe easier. Rouxls let out a few short breaths through his nose, rubbing his “sweaty” temple between his long forefingers as he tried to regain his composure. He slipped his binder back on and pulled down his sweater, walking out to wipe his face with a cold wet paper towel only to see Mettaton clutching the sink counter for dear life as he pressed a wad of wet paper towels to his face.

“Oh, Rouxls...sorry...dear....oh lord have mercy…” Mettaton slide to the ground as he fanned himself, gasping for air he didn’t need. 

“Ho, art thee well enow? Umm...doth thee needeth aught?" Rouxls sat down next the overheating robot who looked at him with glazed over eyes, struggling to get any words out of his silicone lips.

“Just...turn...on...my...fan...God….” Mettaton gasped as he pointed at a switch on his navel, which Rouxls fumbled to turn on.

“Aye!” Rouxls quickly flipped the switch, the robot’s metal and plastic surface was hot to the touch like a overworked computer.

“Thank you, darling! God, I felt like was going to shut down!” Mettaton exclaimed as he pushed himself up on his hands, Rouxls’s moist fingertips still lingered on his abdomen.

“Ah! My most humble apology, I'm usually not this scattered-brain'd and bashful. I'm still rather thrown from our first encounter.” Rouxls jerked his hand away as he helped Mettaton get up on his feet, the former swaying a bit before regaining his balance.

“Same, dear. I feel like I came on too strong earlier, you looked like you were going to pass out. I started to overheat from the stress of it all. Ha, I’m rather much a dork like dear Alphys.” Mettaton gave him a nervous smile, his eyes quickly evading Rouxls who looked at him in confusion.

“Prehaps, we shouldst reintroduce ourselves then.” Rouxls said as he held out a waxy slightly melting hand to Mettaton who gladly took it.

“Mine name is Rouxls Kaard. I am thine Entomology Professor at this here university and a father of one.” Rouxls gave him a polite but genuine smile as they shook hands, both letting out a giant sigh of relief. 

“The name is Mettaton, darling. Media Extraordinaire and World Famous as the First Soul Powered Robot.” Mettaton said as they just stood there holding each others hands until they quickly broke apart and began to overheat and melt respectively.

“ Aye, t hast been wonderful meeting thee howev'r I might not but returneth to mine own knave who is't might not but beest wondering if 't be true I'm well enow.” Rouxls bowed and started to walk away before he saw Mettaton reach out a hand to stop him.

“Sorry, if this comes off as strange but I feel myself rather drawn to you. You don’t have to give me your number and do what you want with mine but can I at least give it to you?” Mettaton reached out and offered Rouxls a sparkly magenta business card with his number on it.

“Oh...Of course, I shalt giveth thee mine own number as well.” Rouxls pulled out a glitter pen out of his bag as well as a scrap of paper and scribbled down his name before handing it to Mettaton who blushed in only the way a robot can blush.

“Well, see you are around, darling. Hopefully, soon~” Mettaton strutted off out the door while Rouxls was left clutching a glittery pink card in his hand.

Rouxls had just found himself with a possible date. Oh gode. Oh Gode. Oh Gode!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I guess this is Mettaton/Rouxls now. I mean I'm really gonna keep it as a side plot but I love writing him and I think both these nerds have chemistry. Yes, Rouxls is trans and so is Mettaton. Both of them are nerdy idiots who don't know how to deal with proper emotions and used theatrics to hide their nature awkwardness. :P


	7. your ex-lover is dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something unexpected happens and no one is ready for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep, i originally was going to do a pta chapter but the angst stick hit me and i wrote this. the chapter is named after the stars song of the same name.

Rouxls ran his hand over the paw pads of Spade’s fingers, focusing on their rough callous edges and the soft fur that surrounded them. If he didn’t look up from his massive hands, he wouldn’t have to see the man he loved for so many years with on a respirator clinging on to dear life. He knew that man was gone for good. Brain dead with no chances for recovery.

He could still make out the bruises on his neck from where he had hung himself with a noose made from the sheets on his prison cot. Try as he might to prevent himself from crying, the tears rolled down his cheeks regardless. Pathetic, he knew. Spade would probably call him a pansy ass if he saw him in this moment. But Spade was gone.

Lancer was not in the room. He had told him to wait in the waiting room with Mettaton who came with them for moral support despite the fact they had only known each other for a few weeks. Lancer really didn’t need to see his father like this; especially since his last memory of the monster was him nearly beating his other father to death. What kind of closure could he get now? 

But who was he to deprive the young boy of his only chance of seeing his father alive regardless if said man was functionally dead? Would it be worse to never get the chance to say goodbye than saying it knowing he could never even reply? Lancer knew his father killed himself. Rouxls couldn’t hide that from him. Would he think his father never loved him in the first place? There was no good way to get around this without Lancer getting fucked up. His abusive father killed himself and he will never see him again. What else is there to say? 

In his suicide note, he said he was doing this to repent for his sins; that both of them were better off in a world without him. The horrible thing is that he agreed. Their lives were better off without him there to terrorize them like a dictator in their own home. Rouxls didn’t have to agree to passionless painful sex he felt obligated to give the man in fear for his own safety. Lancer didn’t have feel like he was walking through a minefield every time he entered his own house. No more bruises and broken bones. No more fear. No more pain. No more feeling like he was a sinking ship that will bring down everyone he loved with it.

Why wasn’t he grateful? Happy even? A part of him still loved the man even after he broke his collarbone and threatened to kill the child he raised from infancy in his stead. He could still remember the Spade who brought him columbines and forget-me-nots on his birthday after he was cut off by his parents. The Spade who put his fellow linebacker in hospital after calling Rouxls a faggot. The Spade who made him his best man at his wedding along as his second spouse. The Spade who asked him for his blessing to have a baby with the help of one of his eggs because his wife couldn’t produce her own. Where had that Spade gone after all the years they had spent together?

He still couldn’t admit to himself that man was long gone. Dead even before now. Maybe he had been dead for long time. But still here was the corpse to remind him at he had been there before at some point. And he still loved him.   
He lifted the clipboard from the bedside table, his pen hovered over the signature to pull the plug and donate his organs. Perhaps in death, Spade could redeem himself by giving others life. Putting some meaning to his suicide where only bitterness and anger had been amongst those who knew them. It's not like he any use for his organs now. So he signed the paper and handed it to the nurse. 

Now Spade will officially will be dead.

He could hear the door open behind him as a ball of blue and white wrapped itself around his legs and started to howl with grief. Mettaton stood in the doorway, his face in a tight uncomfortable line as he walked over and placed a cool metal hand on his shoulder. Rouxls felt cold tears run down his cheeks as he glanced at the body of his ex-lover whose chest rose and fell with the help of life support. 

Lancer released him and scrambled on the hospital bed where his father laid, curling up and sobbing into his massive chest. No matter how awful the man was to his child, it was still heartbreaking to watch a son grieve over his father. Rouxls let him be. He needed this.

Mettaton pulled him into an awkward but comforting embrace, letting him bury his face into his shoulder and weep. The only sounds that could be heard in the room was the beeping of monitors and the sobs of the bereaved. It was until the doctor stepped in and reminded him that Spade was to be unplug that the sound of screaming echoed through the room and hall. Lancer was pried off the body of his father, thrashing and snarling in rage as he chomped down on the nurse’s hand and was promptly dropped on the floor. 

Rouxls rushed to pick him off of the floor, glaring at the nurse who was holding her injured hand to her chest. Lancer clung to Rouxls for dear life as he firmly held him to his chest, pressing his head into his shoulder so the boy didn’t to watch his father die. The low flat beep of the monitors rang out through the room as the machines were turned off. All the air was sucked out of Rouxls’s lungs as he nearly collapsed onto the floor with Mettaton saving him from hitting the ground by holding him up. 

Shellshocked and mute, Rouxls realized his ex-lover was finally dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, lancer is technically rouxls's biological kid and he will probably never know. look forward to some flashback chapters in the future as i want to show spade in a better light before all the shit.


	8. i love you so, i love you so

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rouxls contemplates his relationship with his now deceased lover. He remembers a time when he was a kind man instead of a beast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo meh bois. Sorry it took so long as i am just a naturally lazy bum. This hurt to write have fun.

The sniffling and whimpering had subsided after a few hours though he sometimes let out a soft whine in his sleep. Rouxls laid on the couch with Lancer in his arms, both under a heavy quilt while one slept and the other dozed. It had been another sleepless night, Lancer being completely inconsolable for hours on end then crying himself asleep before waking up a mere hour later from night terrors. Rouxls couldn’t find it within himself to fall asleep knowing that Lancer was suffering so much. Such sleepless nights were taking a massive toll on his health as he was hit with such severe insomnia that sleep seemed completely unattainable to him.

He knew this was the catalyst for a severe breakdown; the last thing he needed right now. But he was so reluctant to reach for his medication as it would sedate him so much that he would be useless to Lancer in such a state. Then again what use would he be if he was psychotic and stuck in the psychiatric unit? Such things he was left to mull over as his brain descended into unhealthy obsessing and catastrophizing. It wasn’t until he felt the cool hands of Mettaton cupping his burning face, that he was broken from the tangle of his own thoughts.

“Rouxls, please you can’t go on like this. You need to sleep.” Mettaton begged him, his metal fingers sinking into the soften wax of face. 

“I can’t what about Lancer-” He countered only to be cut off by Mettaton with a finger to his lips.

“Rouxls, you haven’t slept in over three days. Such a thing can devastate the minds of normal men let alone those who are fragile to begin with, love. How will you help Lancer when you succumbing to your own illnesses, hm? Sleep, dear, sleep.” Mettaton tucked his messy bangs behind his pointed ears, pressing his lips to his melting forehead which left an imprint. 

“Aye, love. I just need my meds…” He trailed off as Mettaton placed a mug of tea in his hands and covered his metal hands with Rouxls’s wax ones.

“I mixed the sedatives into the tea. It’s camomile by the way.” He said, Rouxls nodded at him as he sipped the warm drink which had a slightly bitter undertone from the diazepam Mettaton had mixed in. 

“Oh. How much did you put in?” Rouxls asked him, finishing the rest of the tea as he leaned back against the armrest while Mettaton took the mug from his hand and placed it on the table. 

“The highest amount considered safe. I often do this for Alphie when she’s having an episode.” Mettaton ran his fingers through Rouxls’s hair as he shut his eyes in contentment.

“You drugged me. If I fall into a coma, you are going to be the one I blame.” Rouxls’s muttered as he felt the strong pull of the drugs starting to take effect. 

“Yes, well at least you’ll be catching up on your sleep, darling. I’ll be here as long as you need me; I’m not going to leave. Just think of yourself and sleep.” Mettaton reassured him through he sounded far away to Rouxls who now was close to be being out cold. 

“You are too good to me…” He slurred as he let out a shaky breath and a few tears rolled down his glittery cheeks.

“No, I’m just treating you how you should’ve been treated all along. You deserve love and care, my dear. Everyone does.” Mettaton’s touch lingered as he fell into a dreamless slumber, his words sticking with him even in his thoughtless drugged state.                                                              -----------------------

_ Rouxls reclined in the rocking chair of the NICU room with what looked like a furry football nestled between his breasts. When he looked down upon the infant nestled in his chest, he couldn’t help but feel slight horror mixed with unwavering love and admiration for his baby. Lancer was connected to so many tubes and machines that it was hard to tell where the baby began and medical equipment ended. The fact he was even able to hold him was a miracle to Rouxls; the boy wasn’t even supposed to live past one week. _

_ “He’s so tiny…” Rouxls was startled by the sudden voice, his body melting in fear only to realize it was Spade lingering in the doorway.  _

_ “He hast grown a did bite according to the pediatrician; several ounces in fact! The knave is a fighter like his father.” Rouxls smiled up at Spade who only frowned deeper and averted his gaze.  _

_ “He’s still sick isn’t he though? Still connected to a respirator and a feeding tube; little has change. There is still a good chance he will die.” Spade muttered as he stuffed his large hands into the pockets of his jeans, grief and despair swirling in his eyes which made Rouxls’s heart clench.  _

_ “Nay, t's not all doom and gloom. The doctors hath said yond once he hast hath reached thirty-three weeks, we can start bottle feeding.  The respirat'r is gone a few weeks after yond as his lungs shall beest mostly did develop. The odds art very high f'r those born after 28 weeks, so Lancer is guarante'd to liveth.” Rouxls tried to rattle off what the doctors had told him along with the articles he had found on the internet, but it did little to persuade Spade.  _

_ “Statistics don’t fucking matter. She was supposed to have a easy healthy labor and the baby was going to born full term with no problems but now she’s dead and Lancer is close to it. What the doctors say is going to happen won’t happen and they might as well be blowing smoke out their asses at this point.” Spade countered, his voice was rough and raw from what was probably hours of crying and screaming. _

_ “Life can beest very unpredictable, mine own love.  But Lancer is f'r sure is going to liveth and thrive.  Taketh not t from the doctors but me, thy husband. Lancer shall not diet f'r with every fiber in mine own magical being I shall maketh sure he liveth.” Rouxls gestured him over to sit by his side, Spade reluctantly walked over but instead of sitting he leaned over the back of the rocking chair. _

_ “Doth not beest afraid to receiveth attach'd to him. He is thy son. Thee shouldst at least hold him once.” Rouxls got up from his seat and held the baby out to Spade who stepped back and shook his head vigorously. _

_ “I might hurt him! What if I drop him and he breaks? He’s too small, too fragile.” Spade retorted as he averted Rouxls’s shocked gaze, trembling with emotion. _

_ “Thee wonneth't, I promise. Spade, thou art capable of being gentle.  Recall our first time? Thou did treat me like I wast as delicate as a rose. So prithee, just hold Lancer f'r a mere second.” Rouxls begged Spade who dropped his head and reluctantly opened up his arms while closing the gap between them. _

_ “Okay.” He whispered as he took the baby from Rouxls; Lancer being small enough to be held in his hand.  _

_ Lancer’s little eyes fluttered and looked up at his massive father, his nose wrinkling up as he stuck his little blue tongue out. Spade held his breath as he allowed the baby to wrap his tiny little paws around his big fingers, tears starting to roll down his cheeks. Rouxls looked over at him with concern only to see a bittersweet smile makes its way across his lined face.  _

_ “He has your eyes.” He whispered as he caressed Lancer’s fluffy cheeks with his thumb, his shoulders shook with restrained sobs. _

_ “Spade, are you okay?” Rouxls placed a concerned hand on his shoulder only to grabbed by Spade and be tightly held to his chest.  _

_ “I’m fine, I’m fine. I just love you so much; the both of you. You are my everything. I love you so much that I’ll never let you go. I love you so.” His hold on him was suffocating and was probably going to leave a bruise but Rouxls didn’t mind. He never minded. _   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is named after breezeblocks by alt-j. A top tier KingKaard song.

**Author's Note:**

> Note that there are apparently monster Catholics which means there is also a monster pope. Insert Game Theory joke. 
> 
> Rouxls calls Lancer "young prince" because Lancer's favorite book is the Little Prince.


End file.
